By Fae Sutherland

     When Lady Jaided approached me about writing this article, it was more than a little serendipitous that the request came on the third anniversary of the day my partner and I met. Chelsea and I have been best friends for three years now, living together for going on two, and our relationship is one of those that make most people cock their heads and adopt a befuddled look as they try to figure it out. We kind of enjoy baffling people, actually.

     You see, Chelsea is what I refer to as my "hetero lifemate." We are both women, she is straight while I am bi, and we are absolutely a hundred percent committed to each other and our partnership. We have what equates to a platonic marriage, if you need a label on it. But then, that's kind of a confusing label, isn't it?

     There's a lot of talk lately regarding alternative lifestyles, unorthodox partnerships and the legality surrounding them. There's gay marriage, lesbian marriage, polyamorous partnerships, het marriage. There are husbands and wives and civil partners. And then there's me and Chelsea. There's no ceremony for best friends who have chosen to make their life together instead of with a romantic partner. There are no cards in Hallmark stores that cover "Happy anniversary to my platonic life partner." Luckily, neither of us much likes cards anyway.

     When Chelsea and I met, neither of us imagined we'd be where we are three years later. We met online, through LiveJournal, as a matter of fact, and for one of the strangest reasons ever. Her Livejournal user name was a combination of both my name and my ex's name. The coincidence intrigued me enough that I added her to my friends list and we began talking and, soon after, writing together for fun.

     When my relationship at the time fell apart a little over a year later, I packed up everything I could take on the Greyhound and rode from Virginia to Massachusetts to move in with the woman who had become my best friend but whom I had never met face to face before. It was one of the scariest things I've ever done, all the horror stories about people who faked who they were online running through my head. But there was none of that when I arrived. We made quite a spectacle of ourselves at the bus station and the rest, as they say, is history.

     It wasn't long before questions and rumors about the nature of our relationship began to spread among her friends and family in the area. Did you hear Fae's bi? Did Chelsea become a lesbian when we weren't looking? What's with all the cuddling and holding hands and calling each other baby? And, in retrospect, I can see the confusion somewhat. We're very affectionate with each other, we sleep in the same bed and we're never apart unless absolutely necessary. It could be misconstrued, I suppose.

     Now, living in the nation's capital almost two years later and surrounded by friends of a much more open-minded nature, we don't get that nearly so much. Not to say we don't still get looks, but it's a much more tolerant area, especially as our section of the city is a college neighborhood. College kids don't blink twice at anything these days!

     We never consciously decided that we were going to forgo a traditional romantic relationship in favor of a platonic friendship. It just worked out that way. We realized at some point that we had everything you daydreamed about in a marriage when you were a little girl, barring sex, of course. Neither of us can imagine another person being able to so completely fulfill what we need, and the idea of continuing to look for it in someone else, when we had it with each other, was silly. So we stopped and we're now one of those annoyingly happy couples who pine like WWII brides if they're separated for more than a day, tell each other "I love you" 20 times a day and never really fight (oh but can we ever bicker!). We love it that way!

     It's been asked before, what about sex? It's a human urge and we are human. Well, for myself, I could introduce you to my vibrator, but he's not much for conversation. In all seriousness, though, Chelsea and I do allow that if it comes along, sex with other people is totally fine with us. We draw the line at outside relationships, though. I might be likely to claw some poor guy's eyes out if he tried to take my Poppet's affections and vice versa on her end.

     If she finds herself a hot guy who's comfortable with a friends-with-benefits situation, she has my complete encouragement to go get her some. For myself, I get all the sex I require in my writing. Not to say I'd kick a hot guy or a beautiful woman out of bed, but with my writing, my friends and Chelsea, I haven't got the time nor the energy to go looking for a booty call, so to speak. If one falls in my lap or hers, fine, but we're neither of us out looking for a no-entanglements fling.

     When you think of loving, committed relationships, what do you think of first? Friendship? Loyalty? Love? Or sex? I'm willing to bet most would answer the first three before sex. And that's what we have. Love is the most important part, the joy of knowing someone puts you first before the rest of the world, and the comfort of knowing you never, ever have to hide who you are because your best friend will love you no matter what. Plus, you know, none of that "Oh my gosh, I gained five pounds!" because Chelsea couldn't care less if I get softer around the middle. Makes me more cuddle-able, she says.

     Love is one of those emotions that can never and will never be labeled. It just is. Do we love each other in the same way as other couples? In every way but one, yes. We plan for our future just like everyone else, and that future is with each other. It never needs to be said; it just is. I write full time, even though I don't yet make enough from my writing to pay equal parts of the bills. But, just like any husband or wife would support their partner in pursuing their dreams, she supports me in mine. And just like any wife or husband whose partner works hard all day outside the home, I make sure to keep our apartment a happy, calming place for her to come home to. I'm not ashamed to say I'm definitely the "wife" of the relationship in domestic regards.

     We support each other, just like anyone else. She reads everything I have ever written, she'll be the one coming along to conferences with me and helping at signing and promo tables. And I in turn encourage her to take chances she might not have the confidence for otherwise, like writing a book with me, which we plan to submit to EC very soon.

     So maybe there are no cards or special holidays for relationships like ours. That's okay, she and I will still be living happily ever after until we're wrinkly old women. It might not be the conventional fairytale little girls dream of, but to quote Vogue editor Enid from Sex and the City: "The key to having it all is to stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like."

Fae Sutherland is co-author of EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE. Learn more about her and her work at her website: chasethedream.net